6 Tips for Creating “Sticky” Social Relationships

by Brett Borders on August 24, 2009

Every day, around 30 new people follow me on Twitter. Then around the exact same number of people usually unfollow me. They’re apparently upset that I haven’t blindly reciprocated their “friendship,” despite the fact that they’ve never even said “hi” or interacted with me. They’re so obsessed with numbers games… that they don’t seem to understand the most basic social networking principle, where you have to be sociable and personally interact with people before you win their trust and friendship.

Social Marketing = Constant, Conscious Personal Interaction

Social relationships evaporate quickly. Personal interaction is the “glue” that holds them together. image: imelda

Take a moment to think of the “people online you actually care about.” Usually, the important folks are those who have taken the time to personally interact with you or acknowledged you (recently). These are people you’re willing to help out and stand up for. When you’re under pressure or pressed for time, the people who haven’t interacted with you become second-class “nobodies” who are incredibly easy to ignore and forget. No matter how cool or famous they are.

Here are 6 tips for cultivating authentic, long-term, “sticky” personal connections – and maintaining them:

  1. Send a quick personal note every time you follow / fan / friend someone.
  2. Don’t just blindly add people without interacting with them – and don’t dare send Auto DMs or cookie-cutter messages. A quick, personalized friend request note that says “We met last week at the Social Media Meetup, enjoyed discussing design with you. Let’s keep in touch?” or an @reply saying “Cindy, you always find the hilarious side of mundane situations. It’s a pleasure to follow you! ” or “Just checked out your Flickr photos. Amazing mountain shots!” is enough to make a strong, personal impression. Then most people will take a moment to check you out or take your request seriously.

  3. Leave a quick comment on friends’ blogs every time you stop by.
  4. If you’re already wasting two minutes to check out a blog post, why not go all the way and take another 30 seconds to leave a quick comment? This will transform you from an anonymous nobody to a friend and supporter, who is a valuable and unforgettable part of their online social community. This isn’t just altruism, it quickly builds up your own reputation & social karma card. (Tech tip: easyComment plugin for Firefox makes entering your name and e-mail address quick and painless.)

  5. Retweet, link to & talk about what other people have to say.
  6. Don’t be totally self centered. Link out to what other people have to say about topics you’re interested in. Retweet content you feel is worth sharing or endorsing. Forgetting to do this is the online equivalent of going to a cocktail party and launching into an endless monologue about yourself.

  7. Respond to everyone who reaches out. Don’t drop the ball.
  8. The deeper you get into the social web, the more “requests” will start to show up in your inbox and in DMs and @replies. People are usually reaching out to ask for something, says Jemimah Owyang. Try to get back to everyone who sends you a heartfelt (non-copy-and-pasted) request… but don’t be afraid to say “no,” be very brief in your response, or propose payment if someone is asking you to embark on a non-trivial consulting project. If you accidentally ignore someone a couple of times, they’ll likely start to “forget about” you.

  9. Never pitch someone without getting to know them.
  10. An essential, but widely overlooked marketing principle is to give before you try and get. At the very least, before you pitch someone with a proposal that will benefit you – you need to take a few minutes and get to know (about) the person you’re asking. It’s tacky and rude to request something of a blogger or power user without knowing their name and what they do. Don’t think of pitching / requests as a one-time hustle – think of it as building the recognition and trust from someone who can help you over the long-term. You never know when you’re gonna need their help again – so first impressions are huge.

  11. Be grateful and explicitly thank people.
  12. When someone does something for you – like promotes your content or links to you – don’t forget to thank them! A little recognition and gratefulness creates a powerful reinforcement for more positive action – and it goes a long way towards making sure that person doesn’t forget you. (Big thanks for @mnphysicist and @MoneyEnergy for reminding me to add this supercritical, relationship-cementing tip.)

It’s A Jungle Out There. Be Human.

People are blitzed each week with thousands of messages online, a large percentage of them are bogus & unsavory ones. For every genuine person who wants to connect, there’s a dozen marketing hustlers on Twitter trying to blindly build up their numbers, or spammers dressed like hot chicks on Facebook… or wealthy Nigerian benefactors.

If you want to build a potent, responsive social network… the most important thing is to be social and show that you’re a real human. Communicate, comment, and show concern and care for people – and pace yourself to keep doing it. It’s not easy, but it’s the only way to build real trust and long term social capital!

What are you thoughts on winning people’s trust online? How about keeping relationships from evaporating once you’ve established them?

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  • http://ItStartsWith.Us Nate St. Pierre

    Brett, I pop by and read your site every once in a while, but I rarely (if ever) comment. Well, this line really got to me: “If you’re already wasting two minutes to check out a blog post, why not go all the way and take another 30 seconds to leave a quick comment.”

    So here’s your comment, buddy. Thanks for the great article. I’ll send out a tweet as well. :)

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Nate,

    Thanks a lot. Social media and comments are the way of putting your
    name out there and letting people know you’re alive and receiving the
    signal. I had stopped by your blog once before
    but my brain got so swamped with signals that I had forgotten about it
    for a while. No more. The connection was re-made. I’m subscribed@!

    -Brett

  • http://glennhilton.com Glenn Hilton

    Hey Brett, for point #1, I’d add that if someone’s sending a DM on Twitter that they make sure they mention your name and/or some specific details that would let you know it’s not an auto-DM that get’s ignored.

    Also I like the concept of responding personally to everyone, but how realistic it it? With all the work we have to get done each day and all the relational demands on our time required to keep our family relationships and friendships healthy, how do you balance that with trying to follow up every person that follows you in the social media realm?

  • http://www.biggerpockets.com Joshua Dorkin

    Great tips, Brett! Like Nate, your message about wasting a few minutes to check a post caught my eye as well. If we all took the extra minute to add our thoughts, the social web would explode (in a good way, of course!). I’ll be tweeting this as well!

  • Anonymous

    Nice list! You have summed it up well. There’s more to be said about treating people equally, too, probably. Also, it’s really good to hear “thanks” when you/someone has gone out of their way for you with a RT or recommendation or linking to your blog, etc.

    Also, don’t just interact or favorably treat people who are supposedly “more important” in your network, especially when others have treated you just as well as these have. I’ve seen people who get attention for xyz when I know others in the same network doing xyz just as well and no one acknowledges it.

  • http://ctotodevelopers.blogspot.com isacolick

    Some good tips – following your #2 “Leave a quick comment on friends’ blogs every time you stop by.”. The hard part of what you recommend is just optimizing your time against these objectives. And don’t we all wish this was accepted practice – “Don’t ever pitch someone without getting to know about them.”

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Glenn,

    Yes, that’s huge and super-critical to make your interaction messages
    sincere and personal. Tailor made. No Auto DMs – FORE SURE! I’m
    updating the post to clarify that.

    In terms of responding to everyone, I make it a point to try and
    answer all hand-written e-mails and sincere “reaching outs.” You
    don’t have to respond to every little bit of chit chat or ever @reply
    all the time, but if someone is sincerely asking for your help and
    reaching out to you… it’s really a best practice to follow through.

    It’s a really tough ballgame to play as the volume of signals
    increases – but outright flaking / ignoring people seems to wrack up a
    lot of “bad impressions” I can’t afford, so I try and avoid.

    The amount of time needed to play the “social media marketing” game well is ridiculous, almost trans-human. And it can really eat into the workday. I have no arguments with that.

  • Anonymous

    I like your article. I shared it on twitter, but would also like the option to share on Facebook… Am I just not seeing the option to share on Facebook?

  • Anonymous

    Great information, very helpful. Thanks Brett

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Celesteeepicv -

    Thanks for the reminder! I’m not super into FB but a lot of people are
    - and it’s the biggest site.

    I will try to work on a button and better FB intergration in the near
    future.

    -Brett

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Jrdorkin,

    I swear it’s not just a subliminal poly to get mroe comments on this post ;)

    It’s just about getting in the SOCIAL habit of leaving your name and your thoughts tagged all around the web, plastering your name wherever you go.. it ultimately helps build YOUR name a lot biggers and develop much stronger relationships – and you ultimately “get” something out of reading people’s blogs – rather than just lurking anonymously! you get the information, promote your name and make a connection with the authors (who can probably help you down the line, maybe).

    it’s blog style, more than ‘skimming the newsstand’ style ;)

    p.s. maybe put a link in your Disqus profile so I can check your site / Twitter profile easier?

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Bestshortstory,

    Thanks a lot! Glad I got a second to see you on Twitter and find out who you are and what you do on the Web. Now I know who I can send people to for inspirational short stories.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Isacolick,

    No doubt that social marketing and participation takes time. It reminds me of that old George Harrison song “Got my mind set on you” where he says:

    “It’s gonna take time. A Whole lot of precious time. It’s gonna take plenty of time. To do it, to do it, to do it right!”

    The way I recokn, though, if you took the time to read it – might as well leave your name / picture there and get some benefit from it. I see leaving a comment as a free personal branding and advertising opportunity not to miss – not to mention building a relationship with the content creators. thanks for your commentz !

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    MoneyEnergy,

    ‘Thanks’ is huge. It should probably be the 6th point. Thanking people is very important and a good way to establish feedback. While it might be more difficult to thank everyone for every mention than to respond to personal requests, I’d through “thanking” people in the category of “as much as possible!”

    Also avoiding classism and snobbery I hate classism and snobbery when they are turned against me – it is very alienating and painful – so it pays to treat people equally indeed. People who get paid less attention to will defintiely appreciate your consideration and remember you!

    Excellent point & comment – thanks for your contribution!

  • Anonymous

    Hope you don’t mind I put a blurb on my blog and then on my Facebook all
    linking to your article and giving you full credit…

  • Anonymous

    Good tips. All relevant to having an interaction with a human and not a robot. I find it annoying when a new follower’s first message is a pitch of some sort.

  • http://www.ronamundson.com/twitter/ Ron Amundson

    I just restarted the thank you thing…. sort of amazed what a difference it makes. By all means it should be #6. :)

    As far as the workload goes… if someone rises up out of the noise, to me its well worth taking a couple minutes and acknowledging them. I find insights and such well beyond what an individual twitters bio would suggest once engaging them.

  • http://www.biggerpockets.com Joshua Dorkin

    I’m with you completely, Brett!

    BTW – Thanks for the tips on updating my Disqus profile. I just did. I’m actually trying to install the plugin on our wordpress blog, but it is not properly importing all of my comments. VERY frustrating!

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  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    No problem at all ! Thanks for sharing – appreciate it.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    It is now #6. It’s so important, and I can’t believe I forgot. Thanks for the reminder!

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Chrischats,

    I’m mercilessly about. I get so overwhelmed with signals ,that the first impression is incredibly important. Make a spammy one, and it’s unlikely you’ll get a second chance !

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Joshua Dorkin,

    I found it too some time to import all my comments. It wasn’t an instant thing. I hope that cures your problem, but if it doesn’t – talk to @disqus – they seeem to be fairly serious about customer support.

  • http://walteradamson.com Walter Adamson

    Reminds me of the Five Levels of Bonding: Awareness, Identity, Relationship, Community, Advocacy. You add some good techniques- reciprocity for example. Thanks,
    - Walter @g2m

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    I wasn’t aware of the 5 levels of bonding, but your list seems pretty accurate.

    The goal is to keep people connected with you, and to keep them from forgetting about you entirely – which can be really difficult is such and impulsive and distractable world.

  • Anonymous

    Great tips, Brett.

    Creating social relationships online is really no different than how you’d develop and nurture a relationship offline. Act as if you’re at a cocktail party. Be respectful and polite. Make introductions. Engage in conversation. Be…. human.

    It should be a no-brainer, yet for many, the hardest part is taking everything they’ve learned about marketing and flushing it down the toilet. Ridding oneself of the old tactics and robotic conversational tone of yesteryear isn’t an easy task, but I speak from experience when I say, it’s downright refreshing! :)

  • http://radsmarts.com Robin Dickinson

    Brett, this is a great post.

    More than that – it’s an excellent demonstration of leadership, integrity and authenticity.

    You are truly a value player in a world obsessed with volume.

    I look forward to us interacting.

    Best,

    Robin

  • Anonymous

    Excellent Post, heaps of value. In my business it is what we call “selfless service”, the art of touching and communicating.

    Thankyou

    Andy Dickinson

  • http://trufitt.com/ Gareth Trufitt

    As you get more involved in the social sphere it can be difficult to keep up with responding to everybody by email, twitter, facebook etc but I agree that it is important to take a little time out of your day to ensure that you reply to those that are trying to connect with you.

    Great post!

  • Anonymous

    So you want a comment on your blog? Fine, you get a comment on your blog. I agree with your techniques for making social networking successful (which come down to bringing the humanity back into the relationship, I think) but I have to note that people who rigorously follow your advice will vastly increase the amount of traffic and general overhead of comments, tweets, etc. Let’s just hope they’re all informative and have something to say. Let’s hope this comment does!

  • http://www.biggerpockets.com Joshua Dorkin

    It definitely hasn’t been an instant issue. I’ve contacted tech support and posted on their forums. Hopefully we’ll get some kind of resolution!

    Thanks!
    Josh

  • Anonymous

    Brett, great post. There are so many good points here. I wish that everyone could read this. So many people in the social media realm are running blindly. And thanks for the link/reference to the eVisibility blog!

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Adam,

    It *is* so tough and counter-intuitive for a lot of people to ditch the “broadcast” marketing training. Also social marketing takes a lot more personal energy than most people are accustomed to giving. I think of it like training for a marathon. Grueling to train for, but downright refreshing once you get into the zone!

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for the post, Brett (and for the ReTweet that brought it to my attention, Nate ;) ). Items 3 and 5 are arguably the most important and are the easily the points I overlook the most in my dealings on the internets.

    This is definitely a good list to keep in the back of your mind at all times!

  • http://thecomputergal.com/ Nora McDougall-Collins

    Great article, expressed in plain English! I will add it to the recommended reading list for my Social Networking for Business class:

  • Anonymous

    What an excellent post! I had never heard of you before reading this, but your outlook is very insightful and makes perfect sense. Why is it that things which make perfect sense are always the last for us to realize?

    Again, good work!

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Robin,

    I aim to a provide value with each post. I also aim to be sincere, and don’t follow / lead people on unless I’m interested in them or have time for them.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    kkerley,

    talking about other people in front of a computer isn’t natural. it’s a new etiquette we’re all learning as this whole process evolves.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Andy,

    It’s kind of counter-intuitive for some people, who assume social media is an automated megaphone or something… it took a while for me to figure it out.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Gareth,

    It’s not just a ‘little’ time ;)

    It can be a staggering investment, and it can feel like running a marathon. But such is the inherent nature of “social” marketing -it’s very socially intensive.

  • Anonymous

    Mike
    I agree with all the content on this blog.
    Surprisingly, there are people who actually make it difficult to comment on the blog.
    In attempting to jot off a few words, the site makes you give pages of information in signing up first and jump through hoops.
    Makes you forget what you were going to say by the time you have gone through all the motions!
    -Barbara

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Andyoram,

    These aren’t mandates, they’re just “best practices” aimed at newer users who never respond to people (might not know how) , don’t leave comments, only talk about their own site or content. If people follow them more, they will have improved online social connections – guaranteed!

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    SEOConsulting,

    I didn’t wanted to write a snarky, condescending title to this post but some original ideas were ‘Newsflash: Social Marketing Requires Being Social!” and “Recipe for Failure: Social Marketing without Talking to anyone.” So many people appear to be running blind and approaching social marketing with a very “anti-social”, non-conversational tone.. i felt like somethng had to be said.

    no problem with the link, a good article deserves it!

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  • http://thelostjacket.com Stuart Foster

    Great stuff Brett. If you don’t listen to this you are stupid…no seriously LISTEN it will do you good.

  • http://www.honeybeeconsulting.com startabuzz

    Wonderful post, Brett. When you’re a part of a community, you should interact with it as much as possible, contribute when and wherever you can. Doing these things isn’t hard, not time-consuming. The littlest things can make the biggest difference. Well-said, sir.

  • http://blog.exari.com/ Adine

    How can you not leave a comment when one is graciously requested? Nice tactic!

  • http://melissadafni.com/ Melissa D

    Another good post Brett. I definitely agree with your that it’s important to be human and interact as much as you can, but I would disagree slightly with your first point. While I concur that it is good etiquette to respond to new people you’re following it can also come across very forced and fake if it’s not natural for you to do so, especially if you feel obligated. I think on this point, it’s good to do what feels right for you. I know for me, I sometimes follow a new person because they simply seem interesting, but don’t see a good connection point right away, however, having said that, I do love when new people do take the time to make themselves known to me.

  • Anonymous

    Brett,
    Thank you for the article. It is very helpful for those of us just starting the journey in social media.

  • Anonymous

    Illustrates the old adage, “what gets written down gets done,” and sometimes it’s the most obvious stuff.

  • Anonymous

    I saw this on Bigger Pockets. Thanks for the advice. I try to write on blogs. But I have not really gotten into the hole Twitter thing yet.

  • sandie

    Thank you for the article. It reinforces what Jonathan Rivera has been telling us. It seems somehow a lot of us have forgotten basic social etiquette.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    I would agree that doing this things isn’t hard, but they sure can be
    time consuming. I have been trying to respond to comments and and help
    some online friends with their content,
    and it’s soon and there a lot of work I need to still get done that
    isn’t social marketing :P Thanks a lot for your on-going support!

  • http://topsy.com/tb/bit.ly/dS4Gv Twitter Trackbacks for 6 Tips for Creating “Sticky” Social Relationships [socialmediarockstar.com] on Topsy.com

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  • http://www.honeybeeconsulting.com startabuzz

    They can be if you let them, but just do what you can, when you can. We’re human & we can’t do everything, as much as we’d like to. We’re all a part of this community, but there comes a time when you have to take care of yourself, too. Hang in there!!

  • Dwayne Fields

    WoW ! That was very very interesting ! I almost felt like i was in church !-in a good way imean.That was some great stuff/tips for the day !

  • http://marismith.com Mari Smith

    Hi Brett — really good stuff here, two thumbs way up! I agree with your points and have found that the more visibility via social media and offline activities, the more the demand for engagement increases. I strive to respond to my @’s and DMs… but both my regular and Facebook email are most challenging to keep on top of, even with a whole team. I much prefer the efficiency of DMs! :)

    As for trust, I believe that comes from making and keeping small agreements. But to your question about keeping relationships from evaporating – I really find the 80:20 rule kicks in no matter what. Studies have shown we can typically only maintain relationships with around 120-150 people. For a natural Connector that number may be double. Even so, I actually think it’s not humanly possible to nurture relationships with thousands or tens of thousands 1:1… we simply have to move to 1:many which is why blogging and microblogging and speaking are so effective!! :)

    Cheers
    @marismith ~ I’m following you on Twitter now! Glad to meet via @Mike_Stelzner. :)

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    srcarwford,

    So many people approach “social” marketing with very little
    communication or compassion. They think it’s a script or a slot
    machine, rather than a matrix of humans with social needs and feelings.
    It would seem obvious, but sometimes it does need to be written down,
    apparently. We’re all relatively new to this and the “rules” are still
    being written.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    I totally feel you on forced conversations. They suck and can feel
    laborious to ‘chit chat’ with everyone

    This isn’t a list of mandates, but rather, best practices for
    beginners. If you don’t care if the other person notices you, it’s
    fine not to speak with them. Just don’t expect to grow some kind of
    “core group member” relationship with a person you never speak to.
    It’s fine just to listen.

    but if you really want someone’s attention, the best way is to talk
    with them – that’s all ;)

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Adine,

    i swear that suggestion just isn’t for my benefit. I want to know who
    is in my community and know what they do and can offer. If people
    never leave their name and picture behind, there is no
    community and no connections! If you read blog, make the connection.
    It’s well worth it and has made me a lot of close friends and allies.

  • Anonymous

    Great article – enjoyed it and found it b/c of Twitter:)

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Thanks for connecting / letting me know who you are by leaving a
    comment. One tiny thread in a great spider web of connections you’re
    sure to make!

    The “rules” of social media aren’t always obvious – they’re different
    than much of how we’ve been conditioned and trained to think about
    business and marketing. It takes some leaps of faith to
    dive into, for sure!

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    For sure. We all get under pressure and then we kind of hurry and
    forget to interact. At least I do, somtimes.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Give it a try, Twitter’s easy. Here are some good tips:

    http://mashable.com/guidebook/twitter/

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  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Marybeth2007,

    Thanks for your comments! Appreciate you taking a minute to say “hi”

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    MariSmith,

    It must be a grind to respond to all the requests and chit-chat, especially with the number of people you follow (20x more than me). I have a much smaller network and the time-sink can feel very substantial.

    I also agree it’s not possible to have relationships with more than a couple hundred people, so I think it’s the zen of picking the “right” 50 to 150 or so people to in tight with – and being cordial enough to not get the rest of them mad at you by ignoring them or breaking promises. ;)

  • Anonymous

    Well said! I agree, and will try to put into practice what I haven’t to date. Thanks for the wake-up call!

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    ExBobby,

    Not commandments, just some suggestions that will help ya build a tighter “online crew” of close friends and people who can help ya. Do what you can, when you can!

  • http://www.wchingya.com wchingya

    The impact of a good and connective article — glad I’m no.71. ^^
    Personally I think social relationship is a huge lesson, while also something I enjoy learning and doing everyday. Sincerity, selflessness and initiative do take a big part in this. I agree, sometimes it’s not all about the big people, but those who are willing to connect and spend time to get to know you are always the ones we remembered and well treasured. I understand not everyone get the time to drop a few words, or to say hi.. but once they do, I will always keep that at heart. ^^

    Thank you Brett, have always enjoyed your friendship as well. Keep up the good work!

    @wchingya
    Social/Blogging Tracker

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    I would agree that doing this things isn’t hard, but they sure can be
    time consuming. I have been trying to respond to comments and and help
    some online friends with their content,
    and it’s soon and there a lot of work I need to still get done that
    isn’t social marketing :P Thanks a lot for your on-going support!

  • http://www.transformyoursocialnetworth.com CoachLaura

    Brett, I agree that social media is another forum to create relationships. It can be overwhelming when you get lots of new people to connect with daily. Also, I believe that giving is a fundamental principle to successful networking… especially when it comes to social media. Thank you for giving of your expertise. I look forward to being a resource to you. Warmly, @CoachLaura

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Dwayne,

    Thanks for making the connection via comment. Glad you got a little
    something out of it.

  • http://sashakovaliov.com/ Sasha Kovaliov aka nlupus

    Isn’t Brett a genius? Seems like everyone knows all these rules, but never follows. Summing it up makes a perfect system for online relationships management. Well done, Brett! Great article!

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  • http://evolvingwellness.com/ Evita

    Wow Brett these are some fantastic pointers and I have to say, I was blown away by the amount of comments – value shows well!

    I definitely agree that we have lost a lot of the personal touch, but not just online. You can see this vividly in everyday life. So yes it is nice to be personable for sure.

    Funny that on Twitter people care that much for follows back. The way I look at Twitter is follow me if you are interested in what I have to say, and I follow those who I am interested in what they are saying. That is not meant to be snobby, but the point of real genuine relationships is to add people into our lives who add value. But people are so quick to take things personally. If I talk about health and one is interested then wonderful, but if you talk about say how to make necklaces and that doesn’t interest me, you should not take it personally that I don’t follow.

    I guess in the end, this builds the real readers and followers, vs the ones who are doing it only for numbers.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Evita,

    Everyone wants to be accepted, to be included, to be popular. It seems we sometimes get in such a rush to gets our own name and content out there, we sometimes forget about other people.

    I agree that people take the mutual following thing too seriously. They see it as a “surefire path to building popularity” via numbers… but sometimes that doesn’t result in a potent, powerful coer network of people who really care and are willing to help when the going gets tough.

    That’s what I’m after.

    p.s. Nice wellness site. Thanks for commenting, and thus giving me a chance to check it out !

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Laura,

    For me the harder part is maintaining the relationships. It’s very fast paced and fickle out there. If you aren’t talking to someone for 3 months, or fail to leave comments on some posts- they will genuinely forget and let their attention wander over to some new flames.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Sasha,

    I think a lot of people don’t intuitively understand the social side of social marketing. Especially people from advertising backgrounds, who just see it as a new way to broadcast and advertise.

    thanks for leaving a comment + giving me a chance to check out your Tumblr blog!

  • http://sashakovaliov.com/ Sasha Kovaliov aka nlupus

    Brett, it might be true, but we have to check :)

    The tumblr blog is used as a personal search engine – a pretty slick way to forget about the bookmarking and syncing headache. I’ve recently rolled out http://sashakovaliov.com – trying to get the feel of blogging myself.

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for the great tips, Our downtown group is pretty new to twitter and stilling learning all the ropes, this helps

  • http://www.foodgal.com/ Carolyn Jung

    All very good tips. I especially like the one about being more human. I think we sometimes get lulled by the ease of technology, and write or say things before we really think them through. It’s so easy to fire off the first thing that comes into our head. Not always the wisest move, though. I’m glad you reminded people how important it is to show concern and care for people. After all, technology should make us more human, not less so.

  • Tara

    good article. thank you.

  • http://www.littmannweddings.blogspot.com MarcLittmann

    Brett,

    good post, as usual. it seems that SM is like the real world in some other ways, too. just like most of us would never shout an obscenity or flip off a person who cut you off while walking down a path, the minute you repeat the same interchange from behind the wheel of our cars, all bets are off. we become isolated and shielded from others and suddenly don’t see the person driving the car, but only the car itself. SM is like that from where I see it. we are no longer talking face to face, but rather face to screen. flaming others or forgetting social manners becomes easy.

    what if each of us spent an hour each week getting coffee with 1-2 new followers from Twitter, getting to know them as people…

    marc

  • Shane Norris

    Originally everything was face to face,
    then came the postal system, the telegraph, the telephone, the email, the instant message, and now its the tweet.
    At each step the amount of forethought required to reach out and communicate has become less and less. Meanwhile the formalities of meeting someone in person have staid relatively constant.

    I must confess to not putting anywhere near the kind of thought into sending off a tweet in the past as I would to approaching someone face to face.

    lesson learned

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  • http://www.omnipress.com/chrisuschan chris uschan – omnipress

    Brett — being a fellow “rockstar” myself (…no I don’t play in a band, but it’s an inside joke worthy of sharing over a beer sometime), I felt compelled to read through your site.

    You’ve obviously nailed this topic. I read every comment (took me longer than reading the article). The one thing I noticed… is that no one noticed or mentioned your supporting “glue” graphic. Let me be the first to acknowledge I love this graphic and feel it’s just as important to have a picture that’s perfect for the written words that surround it.

    It takes me sometimes longer to get the graphic then to write the article… Looking at your blog, my favorite pic was:
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    This is my new favorite blog site and plan to share with many of my followers.

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  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders
  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Caryolyn,

    Something about sitting in front of the computer feels “cold” and “anonymous” – and we forget we’re dealing with real, sensitive people with needs. Social media requires social graces!

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Marc,

    In the early-to-mid 90s, online etiquette was .. by-and-large… caveman style. Screaming, shouting, fighting, cursing, and insulting your momma. People thought of social media more like an anonymous video games where you could shoot at other players and ‘blow them up.’

    It seems like a new standard of kindness and transparency is cementing into place these days – and people are being more polite.

    Think meeting your Twitter friends is a great idea to keep it real. Let me know if you’re ever down.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Shane,

    Excellent observation about how technology makes it easier to communicate and therefore, less formal. When people paid $49.99 to send a 240 character telegram, it had to be thoughtful. Not so with a Tweet!

    You don’t have to be fake, but I always try and remember I am dealing with other sensitive people who will oftentimes “read into” what I write unless I make it clear.

  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Chris,

    Social relationships fall apart and lose the “stick” factor without constant contact. How many of your friends frmo Junior High school do you know anything about anymore? (Only the ones you’ve kept in contact with. .the rest are distant memories).

    Yeah, graphics take a lot of time. I want them to be eye-popping and memorable, it really helps inspire people to share the content more readily.

    Thanks for your comments and support – I’m following you on Twitter and look forward to hearing more from you!

  • http://www.littmannweddings.blogspot.com MarcLittmann

    Brett,

    Would love to get coffee sometime–I am in Boulder much of the time. I am a Boulder native who can’t afford to live there anymore, hence the short trip up to Longmont.

    Someone posted a while back (was it you?) about a company you could send a greeting card to after they chose to follow you in Twitter. I like the idea, but then again if it is automated, it will be no more than just an expensive autofollow responder, lacking any personal touch or interest in that other person. Are there any other companies out there offering services that do this in a positive way?

    marc

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    First time I’ve come across your blog today and I too rarely (if ever) comment on blogs unless it’s something I strongly disagree with. You have changed my attitude on this Brett! An extra 30 seconds is well worth letting someone know they are doing a top job. Well done my friend, keep it up!

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  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Adrian,

    Thanks for taking the time to comment and giving me a chance to make a connection with you. What is your main interest in being involved with social media?

    -Brett

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